Cuoi Be Bung

Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer! My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!" "Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux a moment. Perhaps they're mislead." "No, I know they're stolen," cried Florence. "I remember putting them in my burette ... We must call a copper." Erlenmeyer did so, and the flatfoot who turned up, one Sherlock Ohms, said the outrage looked like the work of an arch-criminal by the name of Lawrence Ium. "We must be careful -- he's a free radical, ultraviolet, and dangerous. His girlfriend is a chlorine at the Palladium. Maybe I can catch him there." With that, he jumped on his carbon cycle in an activated state and sped off along the reaction pathway ... A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. "Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead". "OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?" GOD says, "So you would like them." "OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?" "So you would LOVE them", GOD replies. The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?" GOD says, "So they would love you!" Top Ten ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab 10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others. 9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?" 8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK." 7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again." 6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!" 5. Deny the existence of chemicals. 4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it. 3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker. 2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid 1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.